I’ve started this blog entry five times already and failed to complete it every time. You might have been thinking a giant cat butt got me since this is such a late post. Well, I’ve learned that there are bigger things out to get me other than cat butts. Yes, I got tackled by a big, humongous, overzealous, elephant-sized dung shooter. Something got me and stopped me flat in my tracks.
It seems I somehow got a major infection in my upper rear molar and it has wreaked havoc on my life for the past two weeks. My regular dentist didn’t want to touch it because he said my teeth were just too scary for him. I have an abnormal root system that is, according to my dentist, the spawn of some sort of satanic dental architecture. So, he sent me to a specialist to get a root canal. The specialist could not see me for a few days, so my dentist equipped me with some pain meds. I ate those puppies like candy, and they barely took the sting out. When I finally got to the specialist, I looked like Holy Hell on a stick. I was a mess. I felt like my gums were on fire and I wasn’t really taking good care of myself by then, so I am sure my hair had some sort of Medusa thing going on. My eyes were the worst; they looked like cesspools of pure misery, drifting in and out of focus.
The endodontist, Dr. Haglund, who performed the root canal, was great. This is the first time I had been there and was pleased to hear the staff ask what kind of music I would like playing while they drilled into my tooth. It was a toss-up between my favorite techno artist, Basshunter, or some hardcore nasty rap. I thought things would go better with techno, so Basshunter started booming on Pandora and the dentist went to work. Dr. Haglund numbed my tooth so I would not feel a thing. My face was so paralyzed, my left eyeball ceased to behave on command. I could barely see out of it, nor could I move it. How crazy is that? The whole procedure wasn’t too bad, but about six hours later, I was screaming bloody cat balls! The pain was so intense; I could barely lift my head. More pain meds for me, please.
Needless to say, I was pretty much a basket case for the next couple of days. My husband and I had a trip planned to Raleigh, NC for the inaugural Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon. We left for the trip, but I wasn’t sure if I would run or not. My tooth was still hurting and all the antibiotics and steroids the doctor prescribed were seriously messing with my digestive system, so running 13.1 miles wasn’t looking too good. Still, in the end, I got caught up in all the excitement and decided to run. I took some extra ibuprofen and hoofed it. I’ve gotta say, it was tough, but I finished.
After that, I thought I could conquer a crazy cat butt tooth, so I started my blog entry for a fourth time. Again, I got tackled by the elephant ass of immense pain. This tooth had some sort of curse on it. I went back to Dr. Hagland and he tinkered around with it a little more. That seemed to do the trick. It isn’t 100%, but I think I am on the road to chewing my food once again.
So to sum it up, I will tally these past couple of weeks up as Fat Elephant Ass: 1, and Karen: 0, but a wash with cat butts. I think I did OK there.
Now I am off to Seattle for a big convention; and I don’t have to worry about a nasty toothache. I still expect to get into some sort of trouble; that seems to be how I roll. However, it will make for a good blog entry, no?
I didn’t make a lot of progress kicking the other cat butts in my life, but those are mostly mental compared to this one, which was painfully physical. Sometimes you have to stop and do battle with big elephant butts, so don’t get frustrated. When it is done, just start moving forward again.
Look out cat butts. I am coming for you.